Half a day hadn’t even passed after I found out I was pregnant and I was already having negative thoughts about the pregnancy. The main thought going through my mind was that the test was a false positive. I didn’t have any symptoms whatsoever to confirm the test. I could only trust the test.
I texted my gyno and she scheduled me in for an appointment just a few days later. I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to wait so long because I figured she would do a blood test to confirm my hcG levels. Instead, she just gave me a to-do list full of exams, prenatal vitamins and diet changes. I mentioned several times to her that I didn’t feel pregnant at all. She just smiled and told me that I was one of the lucky ones. I didn’t feel lucky. I felt unsure and I left that appointment just as doubtful as I came. However, she did plan for me to come visit her at the hospital a week later to do a preliminary ultrasound to see what week I was at since I had irregular cycles.
A week later, I had my first round of blood tests done (that still didn’t measure the hcG) and was heading to the hospital to meet my gyno for an early ultrasound. I was incredibly nervous but thankfully, my husband wasn’t. As I felt the cold gel on my abdomen, I couldn’t help but feel like I was in a movie: Marley and Me: when Jennifer Aniston gets her first ultrasound and they find out there’s no heartbeat. Aaaahhh! Involuntary negative thoughts again!
I had no idea what I was supposed to see on the machine. I saw a black space and assumed it was my uterus. Turns out it was the gestational sac but I had no idea what that was nor did I know if it was a good thing or not. I hesitated and then finally asked, “is the gestational sac a good thing?” She and my husband enthusiastically said, “yeeees!!” My husband explained, “that’s where the baby grows!” I had just got pregnancy-schooled by my husband. The conclusion was that I was probably at 5 weeks and therefore the baby would be too small to see at that point. I was thinking, “but isn’t there a zoom function on that machine?” I decided against asking another stupid question so I just kept quiet.
Again, I walked out of that appointment concerned and still doubting that I was pregnant. My internet research had me thinking that it could also be a blighted ovum. (don’t look it up!) I just wasn’t 100% convinced because there was no visible sign of a baby.
Another Preliminary Ultrasound
It took me another preliminary ultrasound, two weeks later, to remove any doubt that I was pregnant. The second ultrasound, showed a 7-week fetus with a strong heartbeat. At that point, I was finally convinced. “Yup, I’m pregnant.”
The three weeks from when I found out I was pregnant to the day I had my second ultrasound made me realize how much I was struggling with negativity and impatience. The thought of a miscarriage worried me sick. The internet didn’t help one bit but at the same time I felt addicted to it. I just wanted to know that everything was 100% fine and that I could keep it that way. The truth is that you can’t control everything. The only thing you can control are your stress levels by CHOOSING to focus on the positive, listening to positive pregnancy stories, repeating positive affirmations and accepting and enjoying what is happening and what is to come. Check out my post on staying positive in the 1st trimster.
For those of you that are curious to know or want to compare 1st trimester symptoms/events, here is a detailed account of it. My doctor was right: I was lucky not to have symptoms in the beginning. When I finally had the usual symptoms, I was wishing I was still one of the lucky ones. You always want what you can’t have.
|4th week||dull cramping in lower abdomen
took an extra nap
boobs started to get sore.
No nausea, no dizziness, but ZITS!
Weight 52.7 kg.
|4th week||Walked around Expo Milan and had the same dull,lower abdominal pain in the evening|
|5th week||went to the beach and swam a lot. dull lower abdominal pain in the evening again.
need a bigger bra. But is this temporary?
super tired and hungry
|5th week||first ultrasound – saw gestational sac – it’s a good thing apparently
fatigued, maybe some nausea
|6th week||Threw up tomato soup while on a business trip.
Nausea is strong but doesn’t last the whole day
I can only eat small portions at a time
A bit tired
Strong cravings for soup, ice cream, citrus things
|7th week||second ultrasound: officially pregnant: 7w3d, heartbeat visible, 1 cm from head to rump.
So surprised at how much DH knows about pregnancy.
So touched at how many valid questions he’s asking.
Forehead is full of zits. FULL.
Nausea getting worse. Ginger tea helps.
Told our parents – Everyone’s super happy!
|8th week||Standard Nausea. Candied ginger helps.
|9th week||I think I have a cold. Feels like a fever.
Heart was racing and beating out of my chest while I was warming up for a ballet performance.
Heartburn and indigestion still strong
Zits going away
Slightly more energetic
Reading too many negative forums and horror stories.
|10th week||Only reading positive forums, started meditation and positive affirmations
So, so nauseous every other day
Stomach cramps – related to indigestion?
Broke the news to Teo’s cousin’s, aunts and uncles: fantastic moment and definitely winners for best reaction to the news
|11th week||Nausea and indigestion only on the weekend.
Did I say the zits were going away? TAKE THAT BACK.
Boobs are so sensitive
food aversions are different everyday. I have no idea what to buy.
so worried about the first official ultrasound.
|12th week -13th week||Wow. Unbelievable. I’m growing a human. The ultrasound was amazing. I was so worried about all my aerobics, dancing, non-stop activities and here I see the baby thrusting, jumping and turning! So relieved! Healthy mamma, healthy baby, happy family!
And! Baby is actually measuring 13 weeks and not 12!
|13th week||Nausea gone? Less indigestion.
Broke the news to my zumba students: what a laugh! They are awesome!
Realization: I will be able to celebrate the next Mother’s day as a mamma! holy crap.
Weight: 54 kg.
photo credit: Pixabay